Newness.

[thanks to matt for the video. see you soon.]

I was searching my archives recently, and I found this post. Its from about a year ago, and I want to highlight one part, mostly for myself.

I was born a dirty peasant. Into a peasant family. When my family broke apart, my earthly father found the way to be reborn and become a servant of the King. Before too long, he showed me and my sister, and we followed. I was born into the Kings family November 9th, 1990. Since that day, over 15 years ago, I feel like I have been in training. God has wonderful plans for me, I have no clue what the King wants for me, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will serve. My life is His. This is comforting when I think about it, but, how often do I actually think about it? Not often enough, that is for damn sure.

I made some resolutions on Christmas Eve while I was at church. I have never made resolutions before and been serious about them. I wrote them down in my journal. I wrote an entire entry about how Christmas is different here, (The short version is: 25th of December is a normal day, gifts are exchanged on New Years, Orthodox Christmas is on 7th of Jan.) reflected on the birth in a new way. My resolutions meant something to me.

But, that night, I feel like a dark cloud came and parked itself over my life. It began to rain, and the temperature is dropping without the sun. I know it will pass. In the meantime, I am still shivering, wet and cold, in the shadow of this cloud.

I have not felt the warmth of the sun. I don't feel like having resolutions anymore.

This is the prayer I wrote at the end of my reflection on Christmas, before the the rain came: Father. Come quick. But, until you come, help me to love and live better - indeed - like you would. Amen.